


I fell for your eyes

by thesassykels66



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Breakup, Coffee, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Reminisce, a break, long lost lovers, meeting up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 03:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13402275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassykels66/pseuds/thesassykels66
Summary: An introspective year passes when Dan and Phil decide to take a really quiet, never-see-each-other, still movement after things weren't going right.But, they always were. And when they see each other for the first time after a year, they lay everything out on the table.





	I fell for your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this to someone who will never read it. To someone who gave me this experience, and how our ending is different.   
> This is for you,   
> I miss you.

Each day would pass like a dull ache. Nothing exciting, nothing to look forward to, no face to make a glowing smile, just dull and blah. But, it was fathomable. And Dan found that miraculous.

What hurt the most were the memories: choked and held back by a force that would be flooded by a simple detail.

_We danced to this song once._

_We ate lunch there a few times._

_I can't watch that film anymore, he made me realize how much it sucks._

The familiarity of everything surrounding him felt like a furnace being pushed into his chest. It burned, reminding himself that there were more good times than bad, how simple days used to be, and how charming they once were. Dan would push the lingering thoughts aggressively to the side, forcing himself onward in a grey cloud of dull. Feeling nothing but the numbness of being loveless consume him.

But, there was never a passing day where his name didn't appear before his eyes. Or his face reentering his memory or his laugh wisping in his ears.

He would shyly smile, then let it fade away, like the man he loved sadly did.

Questions still rang loud that were still left unanswered. Ticking in the back of his scull until Dan would grumble in guilt of never having the possibility of knowing.

_Why would he go to the outskirts of effort just to impress me?_

_Why was his goal to always make me laugh?_

_Why would he be okay if what we had was real?_

_Why did things suddenly change in a matter of days?_

_Why was it all my fault?_

_Why would he tell me he loved me?_

_Why. Why. Why. Why. Why._

The questions were sappy, always sticking to him in the least timely manner he would have liked. But they were never truly answered. More questions would topple on the longer time went on. When he started to invent new conversations in his mind, pacing around his room at 3 am, he had realized that these questions might never be answered.

 _I_   _don't think I'll ever get him back._ He admitted to himself. Placing his phone face down on the nightstand and officially giving up on trying.

His routine changed to fit the missing piece that he no longer had. He found himself accomplishing things slower, like laundry and the dishes. Making a meal for himself that he could never finish. Things that used to be a team effort, little things that were easier to do with an extra set of hands.

_Does he even miss me?_

It was an intoxicating thought, Dan knew it was trouble to think that way. Having him spiral down into a self doubt and a critical degree of having the internal mind turn loud and deafening against his will.

When reminiscing, (because he was addicted to it) he could never read between the fights. The arguments that never felt like arguments, or the shouts or the slamming doors. They always ended positively. In each other's arms or a condescending giggle fit. Sometimes it was both, and most times it always concluded with wide spread smiles.

But one cold look, one quick turn, one misunderstanding left him skinned and alone. Boiling in self doubt and destruction. Only communicating in one sentenced texts, until those stopped after a slow graze.

They haven't spoken since.

Dan didn't dare look at the texts that still camped deep in his messages. He knew that it was a territory that was dangerously out of bounds. He couldn't afford to hurt himself like that. So he never attempted to pay the price. Instead, he agonized in the sweet memories, the inside jokes, and his god damn perfect laugh that shined as bright as the sun.

"He liked getting his head tickled when he got headaches, and his hand pinched when he was getting motion sick," Dan spoke aloud to his therapist. A bank of emotional ramble he felt safe to deposit to. "God, I sometimes think that this was all in my fucking head." But he knew that wasn't the case. It was very much real, and for once he wished that it wasn't. It stung too much for it to be all made up.

"I don't think I'll ever find someone like him again," he muttered, hanging his head low. "I was convinced we were soul mates, but I don't know if those even exist." He swallowed, pinching the skin between his palm and his thumb, "I can't tell if I'm still in love, or if I'm in love with the memories." The words felt bitter sweet leaving his tongue.

When leaving the office building, his elbow bumped against the glass door, having his phone fling from his fingers and crash on the pavement. "Fuck" he spat, revealing the face to be completely smashed in spiderweb like cracks. "Fucking fuck!" He picked up his feet and dragged them to the nearest technology repair shop. Speaking minimally to the man behind the counter. Combing his fingers through his tangled curls atop his head. He sighed, as the damage would take hours to repair without going through the trouble of swapping it with a new phone.

He contemplated, having nothing else to do but to edit his recent filmed video anyway. He could get away with a few hours of no communication. He signed a waiver when an angelic voice rang in his ears.

"Dan?" It sang. A breath hitched tight in Dan's throat as he addressed his name, seeing him there. Standing tall, strong, glistening within the beams of sunlight draping in through the windows. A burst of flames ignited in his chest, his fingertips running cold and his lips going dry.

"Phil." He let out softly, "uh, hi." His throat suddenly burning.

Phil smiled, letting a hand pet away his black hair landing above his eyes. "It's, uh, it's been a while."

"It has, yeah." He couldn't figure out why the atmosphere Phil was giving off was so damn warm. 

"What are you doing here?" Phil asked, sticking his hands into his coat pockets.

"I smashed my phone, typical."

Phil allowed a light airy giggle to escape his lips, "I thought I was the one with the butter fingers?"

Dan felt his smile grow, even though he fought it. It was the first time he smiled this wide in a long time. "We were both awkwardly clumsy. We agreed on having it run as a tie."

"Oh, right. We did." Silence captivated them for a few moments.

"What are you doing here?" Dan finally asked, feeling stupid as he did.

"I-I needed a new SD card. And an extension cable for my camera."

"Working on anything cool?"

He shrugged, "nothing extraordinary I guess. Just my normal stuff."

"Yeah. Me too."

Dan tapped his toes for a minute, feeling his weight crumble down into his shoes as he fought every ounce to not look at Phil the way his eyes used to. They connected with his blue eyes anyway, feeling a knife drive its way through his chest.  _Why does he keep fucking smiling?_!

"Well, it was nice to see you again," he started, feeling his fingers caress the door handle.

"Wait," Dan's chest literally erupting in sparks. "Are you doing anything today?"

 _I'm fucking_   _dreaming. Or I'm dead. Either way there is no way this is happening._ "No, just some editing. My phone is all shit right now so... I'm technically free as a bird." He nervously laughed, pointing his feet back towards Phil.

"Would-would you want to go get a coffee with me? Just for a bit? God, I haven't seen you in so long I want to know what you've been up to." He placed his needed items on the counter, noticing Dan's broken phone only inches away from Phil's hands resembled his insides.

 _Oh. It's a_ friend _gesture. A fucking guilt trip._ "Sure. Yeah. That sounds fine." He weakly smiled, trembling on the inside.  _This is anything but fine._

They walked down the pavement in sync, silently hating how all too familiar and warm it felt. Dan tried to keep his eradicating heart beat at a steady pace, trying to shut his eyes and force himself to not make a new memory to add to the collection.

"So, how have you been?" Phil finally asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"I've been alright. Well. I guess. Same shit, different day, y'know?"

"Yeah. Same here."

They continued walking until they came across a little cafe on the corner that actually wasn't Starbucks for once. Phil opened the door, letting his hand rest it open for Dan to enter. They ordered at the counter and sat in a booth in the corner next to a large window. Dan felt his insides churn watching Phil slide into the booth and sit across from him, his feet nudging against his just for a moment.

Dan twiddled with his thumbs as Phil took a sip of his coffee, he was still the same. Beautiful. He had color in his cheeks and a sparkle in his eyes that never went dull, even after a year of not speaking. Dan's chest felt tight, hearing the drum of his heart ring in his ears.

Phil swallowed before speaking, "I, uh, I wanted to talk to you." He stuttered, fighting the will to look at Dan directly. "I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time... I just, didn't think you'd actually want to talk to me back."

Dan's chest still drumming but a shot of ice flooded his veins.  _I was thinking the same thing about you_ he thought. His mind racing with thoughts but none of them turning into words.

"You remember those times when in the morning we'd play Mario Kart and whenever I'd beat you out of first I'd get so enthusiastically excited?" Phil played with the skin of his hand, not looking up at Dan.

Dan weakly smiled, because he did remember. He remembered how Phil's hair was messy and his glasses were slouching off his nose, his smile so wide and his morning breath drenched in coffee. He could remember it perfectly. "How could I forget?" Dan admitted.

Phil finally met Dan's face, a pink blush pooling in his cheeks. "I've been thinking about that for some reason... I've been thinking a lot" he said at a whisper. Dan's stomach doing flips. But, it was comforting knowing Phil had reminisced on old memories too. "Remember that one time we went bowling and ate that entire basket of cheesy garlic chips?"

Dan groaned, "I don't think I looked at a toilet bowl the same after that." Phil laughed.

"What about that time we went through that haunted maze?" 

"Which time? We did that multiple times." 

"Where you peed your pants and held onto my arm so tight I thought you were going to rip it off."

Dan blushed, adding a finger to the gesture, "To be fair I was drunk and you don't have great balance. Especially when it comes to running away from people who jump out at you." He kicked Phil's foot under the table. "Remember when we finished all of Sonic that one time?" Dan's smile flicking upward.

Phil flew his head back, "oh my god I thought you were going to burn the house down if we didn't complete with 100%" he laughed.

"I really was, that was my intention."

"Remember with—"

"Crash bandicoot?" They said in unison, admitting laugher to fill in the space between them.

"God, I don't think I've ever seen you so angry." Dan confessed, feeling his face go hot.

"Maybe that's how all the fights started,"

"Over dumb shit? Exactly. That's all they ever were!" Dan exclaimed, although he didn't mean to. 

Phil lowered his expression, spinning his cup on the table. Dan's stomach suddenly sitting like a rock.

"Sorry." He said, feeling the regret wash over him. Like a cold breeze brushing in through the window pane. Phil sat silently adjacent him, like he was biting his own words back.

He sighed, "What happened between us?" Phil said softly, pulling at the skin of his hand. Dan looked up at him, a rock being pushed up into his throat. "We were best friends, it felt so _perfect_ and then--"

"I don't know." He replied even softer. "It was my fault, though. I never paid attention to the warning signs and let it all fall apart."

"No you didn't. Don't think that." Phil's voice turned sweet and gentle, like how it used to be. Dan officially thought he was going to die due to the speed of his heart rate. "It was both of us. Fuck. All this time I've been thinking I was the one to blame but you were thinking it too." He said, the words rolling out so fast he was sure he didn't think before caging them up. Dan was glad he didn't. "I should have known better."

Dan blew a chuckle out of his nose, a smile reappearing. "We literally are the same person." He laughed again.

"I don't think that's a good thing." Phil joined in, allowing the center of them to draw warm again. "You know what sucks about this whole thing? The whole—" his hands gestured in the air. Dan knew what he meant and nodded, "that literally the smallest of things... remind me of you."

Dan could throw up, there was no way Phil was spitting these words he has thought over the past year to himself. A question he would constantly ask himself was finally answered. His mouth running dry and his coffee was gone. He couldn't speak, but he wanted to. He  _needed_  to.

"Like, I see shit all the time and I think 'I could send that to Dan, he'd laugh at that.'" He withdrew his hands from the table, "but I never did."

"Why didn't you?" Dan finally croaked. "You could've."

Phil shrugged. "I was scared. Thinking you had moved on or something. Like what if you never wanted to hear from me again?"

Dan was fighting the growing lump in his throat. 

"The other day there was this video about a dog and a sloth... hold on I'll find it," He couldn't hear what Phil was saying over his own growing thoughts. But suddenly Phil was next to him, bouncing into the booth as a video on his phone started to play. Dan struggled a laugh, a laugh that would have been much louder and deeper if it weren't for a log stuck in his windpipe. 

He noticed the warmth growing on his arm as Phil was touching him, leaning  _into_ him. Like old habits. Dan felt his face grow red with heat realizing how close their hands were. His eyes panning down a familiar face. His speckled face and crooked smile, his light blue-yellow eyes and his pink lips. Phil's eyes were soft, lazy, like they were searching for something and finally found their treasure. He forced himself away though, and the lump in Dan's throat grew so tight he could barely breathe. 

"You know, the day after I left, I hoped that you weren't really the one for me." 

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, "What? Why?" 

"Because," He took in a loud sigh, "I didn't like how much it hurt to miss someone." He swallowed and looked away, "I didn't like how much it  _hurt_ to think about you. I never knew how much pain someone could be in after what felt like something so simple." Phil's voice drawing low.

Dan's throat burned so tight that his eyes started to leak from their ducts. His hands covering his eyes as his heart felt like it was going to escape from his mouth. He choked out a sob before looking back at Phil through blurry vision. He mirrored Dan's frown. "I-I, ugh." He groaned, letting his arms meet the table, "You can't just say something like that." He cried. 

"It hurt so much. I didn't know what to do, or who to be." 

"Phil, shut up!" He couldn't pin point why he was suddenly so emotional. He was always emotional, but it felt different. It felt lighter, warmer, and sincere. Like all his questions he had swimming in his mind for months and months were being answered in seconds. 

"I wasn't meaning to make you cry," Phil muttered softly, taking his hand to Dan's cheek and wiping away tears as they fell. Dan melted into his palm, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth he radiated. But his hand pushed Phil's away. 

"Sorry, just." He sniffed and cleared his throat, "y-you just answered everything I kept blaming myself for. Thinking it was never the same." 

Phil sat back quietly, holding onto his words because they had meaning behind them. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he started.

A stream flooded his cheeks, wiping them away with the paws of his sleeves. "I'm sorry too." Dan croaked, feeling their pinkies brush on the bench of the booth between them.

When Dan calmed down they settled off to the road again as crying in the corner of a cafe was enough cliche for one day. They bumped shoulders as they walked, because kicking the same pebble didn't feel as real as warmth. 

"What made you fall for me?" Phil absentmindedly said aloud. Catching Dan's attention, "I mean, there was--"

"I fell for your eyes," Dan interjected. Phil silenced and stopped walking to face him. "I fell for your eyes, and your smile, and your weird quirks. And then, I fell for everything else." 

Phil smiled and kept smiling, a misty pink dewing across his eyes. 

"What about me?" Dan drew out, feeling hollow on the inside. 

Phil cleared his throat, "I fell for," he sighed with a smile, a tear racing from his eye and landing on the pavement, "your aspirational mindset, your curly hair, your stubbornness, and this dimple when you smiled." He poked Dan's cheek, making him erupt in laughter. Melting at his touch again. 

"You meant  _everything_ to me, did you know that?" Dan couldn't keep hold of his words, a sudden burst of courage flowing through his blood stream. His hand meeting the softness of Phil's cheek.  _He shaved today._ He thought, watching Phil's eyes flutter close as Dan's thumb petted his skin. "I think you still do..."

"Yes, I did know that." Phil whispered. His nostrils flaring and his eyes flooding. "I missed you, Dan." He admitted, locking his wet eyes with Dan's. "I miss you." 

His lungs ached for breath as his eyes swelled once more. A piece that fit right where one was lost, a revelation in which Dan realized that hours have gone by but never felt like they were. Real, genuine smiles upon his face and feelings igniting in his belly. It was the first time, the only time, he has ever felt like this. "I just realized, I still need you." 

Phil's hand also lying upon Dan's cheek, his other caressing Dan's fingers upon his own. 

"I still need you." They wept, smiling as tears trailed down both their cheeks. A magnetic tug so strong it was pulling them together until their lips greeted. Feeling sparks and electricity as well as a warm roasting fire glowing in their stomachs. Wetness cascading down Dan's face and tasting salt upon their tongues. Their foreheads connected when their sealed kiss was broken, laughing and crying at the same time. 

"Your lips are still chapped." Phil said, sucking in a breath and sniffling. Dan laughed. 

"Shut up." He kissed him again, and again, long living this dream and waiting for the moment for him to wake up. 

But, when he opened his eyes, he saw Phil's staring back. Wet and sparkly and smiling. Dan's chin found Phil's shoulder as he embraced him in tight. Feeling his heart banging against his own rib cage just as in tune with Dan's. Phil's hands pulling him in, rubbing small circles in the middle of his back. They stayed that way for minutes, feeling each other's tired breath in their ears and their warm fingers through their clothes.

Their hands interlocked with each other's. A buzz ringing through Dan's veins and a smile that would take ages to unstitch. They walked down the pavement again, but this time hand in hand. 

"So, what does this mean?" Phil asked. Dan looked down at him, soft and fond and adoring the way Phil glowed. 

"It means I'm not going to fuck up anymore." He squeezed Phil's hand, so tight his knuckles were sure turning white, "And I'm never letting you go." 

Phil smiled, leaning in and kissing Dan's cheek. A passer by caught the attention, but they didn't mind. "I'm so happy to have you in my life, again." 

"Me too," He said, feeling sunshine burst in his soul. "Me too." 


End file.
